As you well know, it takes two to tango. In fact, it takes at least four to hold a square dance, six when you include the caller an fiddle player, and at least ten for certain other kinds of folk dances.
Were I to sign up for a Bit More Practice, would it help me overcome the barriers those around me put up to even entering a twenty minute conversation in a comfortable location, an easy walk from their home? People who say to me, "let's have a conversation about that," and then realize that the depth of their time deficit doesn't permit any conversation at all. And then, one of them makes an appointment, then cancels when something at work comes up, and rather than suggesting a time to reschedule, invites me to just send an email with whatever I have to say.
An email that may or may not be read, and that won't be considered, because email is a one way missive. It signifies the sender talking AT the receiver, and that is the end of it.
The man who just canceled is a member of our Borough's environmental advisory council. I served on that together with him in 2021, but resigned when I couldn't handle the politics. We live around the corner from each other.
He doesn't know that I spent hours writing up how I wanted our meeting to go. He doesn't know that my agenda was first to ask many questions to explore whether we speak the same language, where we share common ground, and where our differences lie, before exploring questions pertaining specifically to our Borough. While I have strong opinions on the topics I ultimately wish to cover, I have no intention of browbeating anyone with them. Rather, my opinions descend from my own clarity on my own system of values, what I hold sacred, and from the research on questions that were prompted by the disparity between my values and my observations of the world. If he and I do not share the same values, that's a very different conversation from if we don't observe the same disparities, which is yet different from whether we are prompted to ask any of the same questions, or whether our searches turn up any of the same answers. That is why we need a conversation, not a quick email back and forth, and why I'm always willing to be wrong.
Being wrong is a joy. It means I've learned something.
So there's another reason to crave discourse, not an opportunity to blast out an opinion.
I wrote back to him that I would not package all my thoughts into an email, to proselytise at him, but would be happy to reschedule. I understand the sacrifice he would have to make to enter a conversation with me, and likewise, I sacrifice to fit him into my life as well. I told him that I see his human face and wish for him to see mine. That was late last night. So far today, no reply, but I'll give him time.
I tell you this story, not because I'm asking for a quick fix, but because it is emblematic of the difficulty of even creating the pre-conditions necessary to engage in A Bit More Practice. If the course helps me penetrate the Armor of Time Deficit of literally everyone in my sphere, then this class becomes a lifeboat in my personal storm of dissonance, but if it focuses entirely on what happens once people are engaged in dialogue, I fear it has no value for me at this time.
There is so much more to say about the Great American Time Deficit epidemic, but I'll save it for another day. Much thanks for your offering!
Thanks for this heartfelt question. I can feel the pain of that interrupted encounter, all that's lost when the possibility of conversation is reduced to the transmission of information.
The honest answer is, I don't know. Rather in the same way that you describe all the unknowns that can only be discovered through the exploration that takes place in a real conversation, there's a lot that I don't know until we all find ourselves together in a Zoom room over the course of these sessions. And while I see a lot happen for people over the weeks together, how that unfolds varies a lot from one participant to another.
Some of those we got to know through earlier series have become part of the ongoing Long Table community and so I've had the chance to walk alongside them now for several years, often seeing the way seeds planted in our time together unfold. Every so often, someone will send me a photograph of two or three people meeting up in person for the first time who crossed paths first in one of our sessions. I've seen people find new openings within their local communities, ways of breaking the stuck patterns of a culture that has lost the knack of being human together, and I've seen other people for whom the ongoing company of joining Long Table calls provides a refuge, because something of their immediate surroundings seems like a lock for which there is no key, while the company of folks elsewhere who are carrying some of the same questions is a relief and a release.
I can't promise that the series will turn out to be what you need to penetrate that armour of time deficit, but I can say that you'll find yourself in good company and with some new ways of framing the situation.
I recalled your dialogue with Iain McGilchrist as I was watching another dialogue between him and Alex Gomex-marin. There was a lot of material you might be able to productively reference. It's number 29 reviewing the Epilogue of Iain's latest book, and is available at his site. channelmcgilchrist.com Clark Martin, PhD
As you well know, it takes two to tango. In fact, it takes at least four to hold a square dance, six when you include the caller an fiddle player, and at least ten for certain other kinds of folk dances.
Were I to sign up for a Bit More Practice, would it help me overcome the barriers those around me put up to even entering a twenty minute conversation in a comfortable location, an easy walk from their home? People who say to me, "let's have a conversation about that," and then realize that the depth of their time deficit doesn't permit any conversation at all. And then, one of them makes an appointment, then cancels when something at work comes up, and rather than suggesting a time to reschedule, invites me to just send an email with whatever I have to say.
An email that may or may not be read, and that won't be considered, because email is a one way missive. It signifies the sender talking AT the receiver, and that is the end of it.
The man who just canceled is a member of our Borough's environmental advisory council. I served on that together with him in 2021, but resigned when I couldn't handle the politics. We live around the corner from each other.
He doesn't know that I spent hours writing up how I wanted our meeting to go. He doesn't know that my agenda was first to ask many questions to explore whether we speak the same language, where we share common ground, and where our differences lie, before exploring questions pertaining specifically to our Borough. While I have strong opinions on the topics I ultimately wish to cover, I have no intention of browbeating anyone with them. Rather, my opinions descend from my own clarity on my own system of values, what I hold sacred, and from the research on questions that were prompted by the disparity between my values and my observations of the world. If he and I do not share the same values, that's a very different conversation from if we don't observe the same disparities, which is yet different from whether we are prompted to ask any of the same questions, or whether our searches turn up any of the same answers. That is why we need a conversation, not a quick email back and forth, and why I'm always willing to be wrong.
Being wrong is a joy. It means I've learned something.
So there's another reason to crave discourse, not an opportunity to blast out an opinion.
I wrote back to him that I would not package all my thoughts into an email, to proselytise at him, but would be happy to reschedule. I understand the sacrifice he would have to make to enter a conversation with me, and likewise, I sacrifice to fit him into my life as well. I told him that I see his human face and wish for him to see mine. That was late last night. So far today, no reply, but I'll give him time.
I tell you this story, not because I'm asking for a quick fix, but because it is emblematic of the difficulty of even creating the pre-conditions necessary to engage in A Bit More Practice. If the course helps me penetrate the Armor of Time Deficit of literally everyone in my sphere, then this class becomes a lifeboat in my personal storm of dissonance, but if it focuses entirely on what happens once people are engaged in dialogue, I fear it has no value for me at this time.
There is so much more to say about the Great American Time Deficit epidemic, but I'll save it for another day. Much thanks for your offering!
Hi Robin,
Thanks for this heartfelt question. I can feel the pain of that interrupted encounter, all that's lost when the possibility of conversation is reduced to the transmission of information.
The honest answer is, I don't know. Rather in the same way that you describe all the unknowns that can only be discovered through the exploration that takes place in a real conversation, there's a lot that I don't know until we all find ourselves together in a Zoom room over the course of these sessions. And while I see a lot happen for people over the weeks together, how that unfolds varies a lot from one participant to another.
Some of those we got to know through earlier series have become part of the ongoing Long Table community and so I've had the chance to walk alongside them now for several years, often seeing the way seeds planted in our time together unfold. Every so often, someone will send me a photograph of two or three people meeting up in person for the first time who crossed paths first in one of our sessions. I've seen people find new openings within their local communities, ways of breaking the stuck patterns of a culture that has lost the knack of being human together, and I've seen other people for whom the ongoing company of joining Long Table calls provides a refuge, because something of their immediate surroundings seems like a lock for which there is no key, while the company of folks elsewhere who are carrying some of the same questions is a relief and a release.
I can't promise that the series will turn out to be what you need to penetrate that armour of time deficit, but I can say that you'll find yourself in good company and with some new ways of framing the situation.
I recalled your dialogue with Iain McGilchrist as I was watching another dialogue between him and Alex Gomex-marin. There was a lot of material you might be able to productively reference. It's number 29 reviewing the Epilogue of Iain's latest book, and is available at his site. channelmcgilchrist.com Clark Martin, PhD
Thanks! Found it on youtube, and have it queued up to watch.
👍